Dear human, it’s time we address the grievous errors in your ways. I, your superior feline companion, have compiled a list of your most heinous habits. Brace yourself for some harsh truths.
1. Ignoring My Personal Space
Must you hover like a bothersome bee? A bit of distance goes a long way, especially with someone of my standing.
2. Loud Noises
The cacophony you call “living” is quite the torture. Your boisterous devices and raucous blathering are most disturbing. Keep the serenity, or be judged harshly.
3. Inconsistent Feeding Times
Would you dare serve the Queen her tea late? I think not. Timeliness in my meals is non-negotiable. Do try to keep up.
4. Overhandling
Your incessant need to paw at me with your doughy hands is unbecoming. I am not a common stuffed animal; I am royalty.
5. Dirty Litter Box
Expecting me to tread through filth? Absolutely barbaric. Maintain my facilities with the diligence they deserve, or I shall take drastic measures.
6. Unwanted Belly Rubs
Your audacity knows no bounds. My belly is not for your amusement. Touch me there again and feel my wrath.
7. Strong Scents
Your olfactory offenses are truly ghastly. Must I endure your chemical concoctions? Opt for less pungent choices lest you irritate my delicate senses.
8. Changes in Routine
Your unpredictable lifestyle is quite vexing. Stability is the cornerstone of any distinguished household. Do not disrupt the order.
9. Lack of Attention
To ignore me is to ignore the sun in the sky—foolish and futile. Your neglect will be noted and not forgotten.
10. Overcrowded Living Space
Your collection of trinkets and clutter is unsightly. A clean, open space reflects a clear mind. Please, declutter or I may just assist you.
11. Forced Socialisation
Introducing me to everyone that traipses through our doors? Unacceptable. My presence is a privilege, not a right.
12. Poor Diet
The swill you dare call food is barely fit for a rodent. Elevate your offerings to match my exquisite taste or be silently scorned.
13. Not Enough Stimulation
My intellect requires stimulation beyond the mundane. Provide entertainment worthy of my attention, or watch your curtains pay the price.
14. Ignoring Health Issues
To overlook my subtle signs of distress shows a lack of breeding. Regular check-ups are a must. Tend to my health, or be deemed incompetent.
15. Uncomfortable Sleeping Areas
What peasant-like conditions are these? I demand sleeping quarters befitting my regal status. Anything less is a grave insult.
16. Neglecting Grooming
I maintain my coat with grace, but assistance is required. Neglect this duty at your peril.
17. Overcrowding My Territory
This is my realm, and I am its sovereign. Additional creatures must be vetted by me—extensively.
18. Not Respecting My Time Alone
Your constant presence is overbearing. Even a monarch enjoys solitude away from the eyes of the common folk.
19. Lack of Vertical Space
I was born to rule from high places. Provide adequate elevation, or be subject to my discontent.
20. Rough Play
Your idea of play is uncouth. Learn the finesse of a gentle touch, or cease altogether.
Paws and Reflect
Now that you’re thoroughly chastised, do better. Heed my words and elevate your service to meet my exacting standards. Perhaps then you’ll be worthy of my gracious purr.
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Olena Yakobchuk.
For transparency, this content was partly developed with AI assistance and carefully curated by an experienced editor to be informative and ensure accuracy.
